Dusting

Today I began dusting the office. Since the birth of my second child I have spent very little time in my office. While I am still on maternity leave I find it hard to go back into that room that symbolizes "work". It's ironic really that since being on maternity leave I have never worked so much in my life but I consider that office to symbolize "work". For me that room makes me remember that while I get to spend my days coloring with my 2 yr old and my nights feeding my newborn that soon I will have to return to work. That room to me symbolizes depression.
I could have a much worse job. I work from home which is wonderful. However, that's the extent of the perks. As my daughter grows each day I know that soon and very very soon I will have to return to work and not be a full time mom. While, overall, I have accepted that I will never get to be a stay at home/full time mom part of me still wishes it could happen. When my first daughter was born I would pray every night for this dream of mine to come true. She's 2 1/2 now and I have accepted it won't happen. When I got pregnant with my 2nd child I made it clear that I didn't want to work after the baby was born, but reality set in somewhere around month 5 that there would be no staying home for me.
I try to stay positive and hope that maybe the fact that I worked while my children were little not totally scar them for life. Maybe they will admire that I kept working. I am a daughter of a working mom as well. Except my Mom worked because she wanted to. She stayed home with us for 15 years and when I was 7 she went back to work. I would like to do it that way but I know that won't happen. So at least I count my blessings. I have two healthy children and a job that is flexible. In today's world that is about all we can ask for.